may ars be eternal loving

2012-02-03T22:21:00.002+08:00

first mth of 2012 have past..
and i thought i got survive a wonderful 2012..
na.. not really..
somehow i got pissed at hz for nth and even shouted at him.. and know i think he is -.- with me.
oh well..
i dont really know what to say i just wan to live a normal life..
is it hard is it possible?
actually it is..
i just need to open up my heart and stop being so selfish..
and somehow..
i need to start learning how to survive on my own and stop being such a happy go lucky kind of person..
mayb it's time to get serious and start having discipline
i wanna do so many things..
when i open up my msn..
i dont even know hu i can talk to..
isnt this too much of a loser..
i wan a normal life..
mayb i got to start beliving in reality..
i just stop thinking that everything is possible
i shld stop beliving in hardwork..
at the end of the day..
seriously..
if u cant produce..
u r a loser..
how true is this??

2011-10-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

im jealous..
is it really right to play at this age??
care nth n all?

my mind have been fuck up all this time..
i've no one to talk to..
i know i've..
i got two friend waiting to listen to my thought..
is just that i dont wan to let it out..
im just thinking..

people say that all we've to do now is study..
get good result..
dont play too much..
dont be a gangster..
be a good boy..

how many of this is true??
im not saying by following all this we are nerd..
i've seen many having good life while beening good in studies..
mayb they really manage their time wisely..
they dont play game in sch.
they dont get distracted..
they have the right approach to stuff..

since young i have been very quiet..
even in secondary sch.
is only when i came to poly i've become hu i am now
mayb i really cant adapt to this life..
mayb i will just be a loner for life..
no friends..
no one to be ard with..

if only i can learn to accept anyone..
regardless of face wealth health religon etc..
if only i can learn to be more open

yeah i know she aint mine..
but aint it obvious?
im rapidly losing...
y?
i've been thinking alot..
i know its not her fault..
its my fault..
budden seriously..
dont one have to give in?
mayb she do..
mayb i just have too much pride..
mayb i m just a born loser..

i admit..
i wont have huge mind again..
i give up..

2011-10-17T22:46:00.002+08:00

30 days..
give me the strength..

let me last for 30 more days
i swear..
if u treat me good i will treat u two times better..

i dont know
mayb i am despo..
mayb i am really in love..
for u r the one hu make me forget zhenyee.
i just hope u were serious about me..
cause i think i will break if you dont..

and i must grow up
i cant continuing being childish
if you choose it urself.. then dont complaint!
stop crying over and over again..
u wont be able to grow this way..
wake up..
it's not like u r in a loss?
u still have her..
n u r not even suppose to go ard asking for numbers...
so what if she dont reply..
does it make u a loser?
mayb for them..
sry for being so hostile towards them..
but they have really left a bad impression in my mind..
in anw..
i've think it thru today..

i dont know what cause my moodless mood
mayb it's money..
cause i seirously loss a lot..
budden mayb its really time for me to grow up
and accept small little facts
and to treat ur friends like ur brother..
for all i know..
i treat u as my brother..

2011-10-10T16:36:00.003+08:00

im so bored that i have no choice but to blog..
but seriously..
it's a totally new episode.

no more zhenyee..
i think somehow i've forgotten her..
suprise?
i am shock myself..
budden is not that i really forget her..
is just that everytime i c her..
im like..
hate..

o well..
anw..
realise im no longer the marcy i use to be..
rmb back in the secondary sch days..
im just a quiet lil boy hu let other decide on what to do..
even if it is something i hate so much
i dislike so much
i still didnt dare to argue back or anything..
i just let things go according to how ppl wan it to be..

but now...
i am somehow evil
i wan things to go my way..
i think i am far more superior then the others.
i think that i am king
ppl got to obey..
n i hate ppl hu go about talking bout how good they are
cause i think i am the best..

what a ultra change of char huh..
haiz..
anw..
i am bored..
i hate everybody..
i kinda think im living for myself..
hate ppl to get in my way..
love money..
hate ppl..
love money
hate ppl..
haizz..
):

2011-09-10T01:13:00.002+08:00

so what makes me blog this time after like many many many many days/mths..

yeap..
it's you AGAIN!

decided to go sch today to do at least something on fyp..
btw my slipper broke in the bus! -.-

ANW!
the first time back in sch during hols..
i saw YOU!
omg
m i that lucky..
no wonder i keep losing in poker -.-

so...
u came to me and wave at me..
which i seriously wish u didnt..
cause ur freaking smile just fuck me up..
turn to my left..
there he is..
tim er..
whatever his name is..
ok..

blah blah blah..
and i went back home..
i went to see your blog and realise..
wow..
he became from a classmate to a <3
ok i am not jealous here or anything..
ok actually i am..
but just..
y him??
seriously.. i rather u pick sebas..

anw..
after that i talk to myself for like them 30 mins...
ok mayb shorter...
but im like..
is this fair?
then i think again..
is this fair for that xin min guy?
no..
two questions:
y r u giving new ppl chances hu just know you
rather than people hu love u since day one?
N
y m i complaining if they are much worse worse than me??

ok..
so peace out guyz..
cause i think i can do it anymore..
i hate everything now..
i just dont like humans..
talk to mei/jie however she want to be called..
n i wrote this
"but seroiusly..
*i have only one wish for earth..
*world peace..
*fuck everybody
*fuck them so haard until they learn to respect each other.."

(: peace out guyz..
if i wan peace..
i make peace..
so it got to be start with ME! i will try..
<3

note: zhenyee.. just so you know.. i am still here waiting for you.. seriously..

2011-07-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

i finally manage to post after all the projects. -.-

but seriously..
am i suppose to be happy or sad??
if current life..
i think i am fucking sad..

ok so what?
i just feel that..
it's just empty talks..
revenge??
it's still in my head..
rmb the first time..
it's not the same..
completely..
i dont know wth you are thinking i dont know wth you are doing..
<3 means?
shit?
complete shit..
who knows..
10 years ltr..
love has lost its value..
no one knows what love is..
is love a game?

if you have no intention of keeping this shit alive..
then so be it..
im tired.
i quit..
i dont wanna go on anymore..
i've thought bout it..
studies is just an excuse..
yeah u wanna go ac
so?
are words that hard to type?
is it so time consuming that you can even spare me some time?
sick..
another bloody excuse..
ok..
ya sick
but you hang out till so late and i dont know..
i dont know wth you are doing..
ignore whatever i am saying
n just bomb something that ya tired..
you may b studying?
so what?

if it's alr like this now..
what will happen to the future.
mayb it's due to ur "long lasting relationship"
dude..
if u aint giving chances..
how can it last?

the last thing i thought of is..
you dont even have any interest in me..
which is highly possible..
n ya forcing urself for god knows what reason..

whatever it is i dont care..
you wanna wait till o's
u wait..
i am not being petty or jealous over examination whiuch determine ur future..
it's just..
y wont u even spare 10 mins of ur time with me?

am i asking for too much?
i dont know
you need to study
so do i..
yeah
i m so freaking busy...
do i just give a OWR?
no..
nv..
cause i think that will just spoil relationship..
i dont know what u r seeking or what u r after..
revenge..
that's all i can think of..

and i have something to confess..
zy is still the one i love most even at this type.
i swear..
even how i hate her for i dont know..
can i just say not giving me chance?
giving two bloody bastard some chance..
i mean..
tsk..
mayb i am just that bad that even someone would to ditch me for my friend..
tsk..

i've so many thing to say..
so..
you are an idiot an asswipe and a fucker..
n u seriously think you r v pro..
like seriously?
so what if u have all the str in the world?
ok..
ya big
i am jealous..
i have no arguement on that..
but do u know what's something called as humble?
just fucking keep ur mouth shout..
and if u wanna play with him in class..
just fucking sit beside him n dont shout across my bloody face or stretch ur fucking arm over me cause i am listening to class..
n if you wanna show of ur skills..
please dont..
no doubt u r strong..
but seriously..
it's just ur cards..
and please dont bloody blame others if u lose..
and lastly..
please dont help ppl do things..
you may not have offend me in anyway..
you i seriously cant stand the way u distrub ppl..
it's way too much..
i seroiusly wonder how she fall for you..
like..
...
...
...

tsk..
do i have anymore to say?
ya..
i wanna die..

2011-07-10T17:01:00.003+08:00

tsk..
im in love?

seems weird..
but..
yeah..
that feeling just came back..
y? i dont know..
its quite unexpected..use to hate her you know?

this feeling is so strong.. it may even be more than u..
suprising huh.
it has been a few days..
budden just currently..
you ignored me..
mayb it's due to ur work.
so i dont wanna mind about all this..

i will c you on 20th july ok..
i seriously cant wait to see you..
you pure and innocent heart.
i cant really tell what type of person u r..
but at least i know i am happy being with you..
your smile so swt..
it really melts me..

but sometimes i really think im thinking too much..
how can you even like me?
you are like that smart kid next door..
but i am not that dumb too right??
if you love me..
i will love you 2 times more..
i swear to that..
please dont play me..
i am weak inside..
i just wanna a normal life..
and you are the one to complete it <3

2011-06-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

im very tired.
once again
i dont know what i am living for..
the wild side of me is acting again
i dont wanna study
i dont wanna do anything
all i wan is play..

i just told someone that
yes
everybody like to play.
you can play now
and be happy..
but what happen to your future?
it will just be ruin
cause
you didnt study
but i really..
m sad..
today
i am damn sad.

yeah
i believe in karma
since day one..
n yea
i know i play with fire..
i tried it
i think its was ok
it was easy
there wont be prob
ok yeah
there aint
budden the karma is not the make me suffer some loss.
it's more of humiliating me..

i seriously dont mind losing
i mean.
i dont even have the intention to be serious..
but just that moment..
i felt like an idiot

all this crazy shit that happen..
it affact two ppl greatly..
me n him
its like a total change in both world
one up one down..
i dont wan to care bout him at this moment but..
right now my world is
collapsing.
seriously
i cant help but think negatively.
it happen two times today.
wth.
seriously..
i got mind fuck man.

everytime i look in the mirror, i thought it was good n im ready to start my day
budden
it's not good.
it sux
at least from ppl pov.

but still
just to console myself..
ppl see things differently..
it's not just bout that.
everybody wants to win..
and i think
i am just being too proud..
stay low..
n live life..
nth to lose.
many to win
that's how i wanna live..
ppl think how they wan
you dont give a damn
u just do what u wan
what u need
aint that what i wan long ago?
why have i change?
is it really due to that reason?
if it's
take your time
dont have to rush
for u r seeking for something great.

n fuck you for badmouthing me..
seriously..
if not for today..
i seriously dont know what kind of guy u r..
fuck you and fuck off..

and today
i'm so gonna have a fucking good slp..
and after exam
it's just one week of wildness

i will just pretend nth happen
but yeah
im becoming evil

2011-06-19T17:10:00.003+08:00

3rd week of hols..
i am so dying..

studying is making me mad
n i dont know how to destress
n everytime i go out to have fun..
it takes like forever.
i dont know what to do anymore
i really cant go uni already? ):
i dont know
life just sux.

past two days
im at home all the way
is really suffering man..
doing dip plus proj..
when there's no one to help me
n i got to know what the hell is MAS
like seriusly
i am not doing another course u know
is just 5 percent
fuck you bitch

i am struggling with me own course liao can?
AIS
is so fucked up..
i dont think it will be if the bloody lecturer is good man
so cock n dumb
fuck him
ARH! FML~!

2011-06-09T08:38:00.002+08:00

blah.. my thinking in life have change so much.
thanks to people on earth.
seriously..
wth are they thinking man..
ok
right now
i strongly believe in power
i mean everybody..
in the pass is all good man wins..
now..
with power
u r the ultimate winner..
what i cant stand most is when someone without power..
acting one sort of big fuck..
i mean..
seriously..
wth are u trying to show?
show that u r some mother fucker?
my impression of you r dying every single day..
i've no intention of guiding you anymore..
you are like..
ting bu jing leh..
in some mean way..
u r some selfish bastard la..
fucking only think for urself..
think u got power..
think you very big fuck right..
cb..
i not ur friend i long time fuck you alr please..
cb..
all you do is talk
no fucking action
cb..
hu cannot talk
i can talk also..
nb..
act one gangster for what..
u think what
ppl like arh..
ya la..
u good boy no girl like you so far la..
budden what
u become this bloody "gangster" you think ppl like you arh?
come on please..
the more u act the more girls hate u la..
you can argue la..
use ur own fucking theory..
i dont give a fuck man..
is ur fucking life..
dont study la..
dont study...
i just read la..
i didnt know bout it cause i way too busy..
n is like u r so damn free right..
study for girl..
come on la..
i am not that wu liao la..
i study for myself la..
hu will study for a girl..
is just a boost..
cause studying for myself i wont do a shit..
i would just sit in front of com whole day..
you tihnk u would do shit for urself?
no way..
when some other ppl come into play..
you would tihnk more for others..
that's motivation dumb shit..
u think next time ur wife will just stay home n take care of ur hse..
now what era
no duh
then ppl study so hard for what
just to be house wife arh?
u tihnk theey need u to take care of them or not..
then what
their money put where?
put in bank until they die then make they wake very grand arh?

tsk tsk..
seriously..
you think ur life now very shoik?
cb..
singapore leh..
unless u open ur business
u r nth currently man..
so what if ur father is rich
fuck you
i despise rich ppl..
cotinue..
25 years ltr
i clap hand ok

2011-06-05T14:52:00.002+08:00

i guess i've no time for you anymore..
or is it just an excuse?
watever it is..
it's not a bad thing that we are not tgt..
or is it just another excuse?

i've just realise..
after all those times we were tgt..
i dont really know how you feel..
mayb u r right..
sebas is a better choice..
but y arent you giving him a chance too?
i think..
if im with you..
we wont last..
like never..
you n i..
we are way too different..
i wont be able to stand your lifestyle..
i m just keeping the feelings inside me..
m i happy??
na..
i dont know..
mayb all this r just excuses..
but since we are already like apart..
n..
friday convo wasnt that bad..
i think..
it's not a bad thing seriosuly for us not to be tgt..
anw..
you love your classmates so much..
time..
i can blame the whole world..
but..
in the end..
is all my fault..
blah..
i dont know what i m talking..

safe trip to korea. (:
i just hope we could still be close friends..
gonna study (: jana to my..
<3

2011-05-30T08:47:00.002+08:00

everything just change..
hmm..
for the better?
for the worse?
i dont really know..
i just know that right now,
a lot of things just came to an end..
somehow..
at least i know it's the end n
there's nth worth fighitng for..
but there's just this emptiness in me..
i odnt know what to do..
everyday im just wondering ard..
i dont know what to do..
i can just walk ard without a target..
i dont know..
this feeling just sux..
i ask for it..
so..
i've no regrets
like nv in this life for this reason..

anw..
met irwin n ruishan..
(:
though they r not tgt..
budden
they're awesome ppl
i think they will get tgt for sure..
haiz..
rs arh rs..
please..
irwin is a good guy

o well..
i just feel that bmt ppl r more fun than poly ppl
budden what can i do..
i got to learn to get use to them..
lol! im talking like im year one..
o well..
i just guess i choose the wrong poly..
i shldnt even come to sp..
brrr!

i just hope i make the right choice ba..
there's a million reason to let you go..
budden
that's a million reason y i will feel sad..
i wish u all the best ba..
i just feel that..
you dont even like me right from the start..

2011-05-26T00:31:00.002+08:00

the chapter has finally end.

i must say it's quite interesting.
thru this
i really really learn alot.
n learning that this is real life n it's not virtual
there's no turning back...
saving n loading
whatever you do is done..
nobody can help you rewind.
although things doesnt goes how i wan it..
but..
i wont die right?
if one of us doesnt see that this is right.
it's no pt forcing anything out of it.
in the end
it's just both hu suffer.
anw..
i still dont know how you r tihnking..
i thought bout it and everything you say
it's just a nice way of saying you r just not good enough for me.
i dont know..
that's just how i feel..
but..
it's ok..
at least i know how to story ends..
n..
i wont be bothered by it anymore right?
i just dont wanna c u hurt in anyway n.
yeah..

so..
i think whatever i do is right?
no regrets yeah?
n..
i dont know if it works all the time but..
do whatever you wan to do..
i think if things goes this well..
it's alright..
but if one day
things are out of control
n war comes
then i dont think it's my fault..
n it's urs..
so..
yeah
just do things de way u wanna it to be..
just dont hurt anyone..

everything we do tgt is put into the evelope..
hmm..
dont know if im gonna throw it away..
but the heart confirm goodbye..
just too big n it's kinda ugly..
if one day we were really tgt.
which is kinda impossible
i will make u a better one ok (:

cookie monster will take care of you.
if you dont wanna talk to me
talk to cookie monster ok(:
i really have a good time with you and..
i will seriously miss you
you are a nice girl..
and...
i wish you luck

i know i say a lot of times but..
choose wisely..
dont let urself get hurt again ok..
with love. marcy

2011-05-21T17:54:00.002+08:00

what's in between u n me is reality.
haha..
so true..
wwe taught me that.
even the best go
im not saying im the best
im just say im the one hu love you the most
at least i know i do love u very much
fuck those hu hurt u...
like seriously.
fuck..
but what
you still chose them..
i mean..
what?
fair?
wwe,
the two strongest left..
im like
wth?
this is insane bitch
insane..
ok
this is life
this is reality
ok.
i get it..
reality.
i love you
i dont fucking give up.
dude
i dont mind staying single waiting for you
im now just somewhat lost.
like seriously lost.
so what's all the suppose to mean.
i though bout it..
u somehow share the letter n..
i dont know..
ok
u all can laugh at how idiot i am
i think..
at this pt..
things can only get pretty good or pretty bad.
what im face now is just pretty bad.
mayb things will improve right?
you are lost.
i dont know
like damn lost.
ok
i am too.
i dont know wtf i can do now..
msging seems wrong
dont msging seems stupid..
so what?
wait till sunday?
n what if sunday u still dont text me or something?
means i fucking lost?
or what if i text you now?
n you tell me to fuck off?

but what if you just tell me u needed more time?
ok
at least i will smile a bit..
so there isnt really anything that make me smile..
mayb before i gave u the letter..
i am more smiling
hoping that some shit will happen.
as time pass by..
shit really happen..
o well..
i cant really study now..
i wanna go out..
anybody?
im bored to death..
like..
bored..
i know i can touched you right..?
i know my wish will come true..
i knew it..
if i wan you
i will get you..
it's like die die

2011-05-19T19:16:00.002+08:00

ok
im meeting you tmr (;
happy
duh im happy..
but..
how happy will i get after everything end?
i dont think i will be
is not like i dont have confidence..
it's just shit.

if i dont like you.
or even just some not so closed friends..
i recieve that
man
i will fuck you up.
i dont know wth im doing
all i know is im just letting out my feeling
i dont wanna regret
like DONT WANT

i just hope something good will happen..
it's like one of the stupidest thing i've ever done.

all i know is im missing you bad.
like real bad
sry not to be as strong as you.
but i really wan you badly..
i wanna c ur smile,
i wanna c your face,
i share happy stuff with you.
n i really wan to know your problems n help you.

im sry if i aint good enough.
but for love,
cant all of this happen?

2011-05-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

i think i've grown a bit..
more mature..
haha..
no longer a kid..
hmm
mayb still a kid ba
i just feel like doing things i wanna do..
i dont really care how ppl think..
im no longer the marcus hu think how will ppl look at me..
hu cares how the fuck they look at me..
im living for myself
i dont even know them
what right do they have to judge me?
none..

im living the life i wan.
if they wanna think negatively of me..
i got no choice
i only know.
i dont steal i dont rape i dont fuck
i am doing fine..
i am doing everything just for entertainment..
i dont need you to tell me what to do..
sometimes i just dont believe how ppl just fuck me up..
i fucking trn them to?
o well..
i dont really care..
ppl can just fucking fuck up their own life..
i just wanna..
achieve life myself..
im selfish
i think this can nv be change..
im selfish
i just wanna win myself..

so long ya good to me
i will be ur best friend..
if not..
even if u r once my lover..
you r no longer shit in my eyes
jana (:

2011-05-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

BOO!!
long time no blog..
y??

haha
mayb cause i somehow got over you??
kinda cool eh..
finally off my mind again..

haha..
anw..
my hope for you..
just find a better guy..
n..
open ur eyes big ok..
you may not choose me..
but..
i know
there are still great guys out there..
dont be discourage..
you will find a guy hu love you..
so..
jia you!
live life the way you wanna..
love yourself..
(:
n..
since you didnt c this..
n if you see this..
you will say..
thank q
so i gonna keep it (:
n...
if you need help or someone to talk to..
turn to me k..
im willing to help..

boo
n soo..
the other part of the reason behind y i m not blogging
is my tooth!
(:
finally got it extracted but!
damn!
alexender hospital SUX!!!!!!!!!!!
like big time ok
big time!
omg..
talking about it make me mad..
rather dont talk..
n
marcy..
QUIT GAMBLING!
omg..
ok at least i didnt for today..
doesnt mean i wont for chel & man u n barca n man u :x

ok ok..
i will stop.. soon?
haha!
o well
hu can stop me!!!

i wanna..

i wanna..
EAT!!!!
eww..
soccer eat soccer eat soccer eat
omg
that's my life man..
(:
omg
i've
just
gone
mad
<3 marcy

2011-04-28T23:10:00.002+08:00

2 days since we talk or msg..
ya getting to fade away from my world..
think i shld be happy ba..
one clap for myself..

marcy love marcy.
so dont worry with no one love you k (:
i learn a lot today..
we dont have to be jealous of what others do..
we really dont..
so what if they are better?
i think competition just aint fair..

anw...
today pt is..
i need to get over you..
n i got to live my own life..
so long i am happy..
i dont really care about other things..
i dont know if this is kinda selfish..
but
gonna try it out man..
you treat me good i will do de same..
i dont care if you r ugly fat thin pretty skinny digusting or shit..
we r all the same..

n..
im gonna be toothless tmr!
damn..
i'm so scared of pain n i am not afraid to show it!
hu aint scared..
it's operation man..
just hope everything go smoothly tmr man..
really hope..
i'm a boy.
n i will always be (:

2011-04-25T22:15:00.002+08:00

ok
i know
that
on the other side
in amk.
blk 456?
lol
ok sry i forgot.
but..
yeah..
you wont have a entry anything on this.
even though
we shared that time tgt.
ya..

i wanted to keep this memory with my like forever.
ok
i know you wont like any of what i say.
but hey
you aint seeing it right?
and yeah..
i seriously..
love
every
second
of
that
meeting.
i may seem uninterested or whatsoever.
i may be quiet
i may not smile or what.
but..
in my heart
i'm like
omg
aveline.
you are like so damn cute ok..
so
damn
freaking
cute

ok!
i'm sry.
i couldn't control
at least i did just now..
i didnt wanna part with you like at all..
i wanna hug you.
hold you..
tell you how much i love you..

seriously..
i dont know
i seriously dont know what to do.
at that pt..
i tell myself..
hey marcy..
if you wanna do things right..
do it the right way..
make both happy..
i mean
ok
if this is the last time i am meeting you.
so be it..
i will remember this for life..
as in for life..
i know i will do it..
cause..
you have already replace her
like big time
no one can replace you
as in
no one..
no one!
but i dont know what to do
this aint drama
this aint movie
i freaking know more than others
you wont for any chance
ever turn n look at me
it just doesnt match.

i just wanna tell you,
ya awesome
ya cute
ya pretty..
i wont say ya perfect.
cause there's part of you i dont like
some part which i even hate..
i know whatever i'm doing
you seriously hate it but..
i seriously
seriously
seriously..
love this freaking moment

just make me a happy man for today..
cause today..
it's the real 13/4/11

my 19 birthday..
is with you..
you may not feel that way..
but as far as i'm concern..
aveline
will always be there in my mind..
and if time will make you move by me..
i will wait for you
at that moment..
i know
icantlivewithoutyou.

you're beautiful..
you're just awesome..
i'm really..
really..
sad..
that..
we both
parted..
in the end..
allow me to walk you through n give you str as you fight on.
even if we werent tgt..
please..
let me take care of you..
like my lil sister k?

2011-04-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

dude..
like what must i do?
i admit
this just proves i am a loser..
i tried everything ok..
i ask for an outing..
i auto go out with ppl..
ask ppl to go out..
k
in the end
nth..
no outing
like at all..
wth.
not like i didnt try ok..
yeah
dan ask me for club
i nv go..
that is like..
come on
at least let me go out with someone i know
all gangster
wth..
next time ba..
at least let me smoke if u wanna me to go..
i went church today..
n..
i thought of a lot of things..
in the end
i wanna continue be a free thinker..
but..
its fun..
i think..
it's really fun
i'm not sure now..
may lord..
give me the power
to accept u..
give me str..
i seriously need it..
purify me..
seroiusly..
cause..
i think.
ir eally need you..
n for zy..
sry..
but i stillcantforgetyou

2011-04-21T09:52:00.002+08:00

i've given up on her..
i'm not gonna wait till next friday anymore..
i cant wait anymore..

like wth.
i'm just suffering..
y must i treat myself like this??
y must i suffer just because you dont give a damn about me.
ya
i love you ttm..
budden..
as i say
i aint strong
i cant take it anymore..
if this is the way ya treating me..
i can be sure..
i will be there if u need me..
but for now..
i know i cant come in contact with you anymore..
cause it's just heartbreak you know..
you know how i feel..
yeah
exactly like how you feel
you shld know the fucking feeling
you chose to leave him..
because you dont wanna hurt urself..
you dont wan to hurt anybody..

same..
i dont wan to hurt myself as well
call me selfish.
i admit..
i got nothing to be shameful about..
everyone is like this..
i live for myself..
i need you in my life..
yeah..
i dont know
i really dont know what i shld do..
you call the shots ok..
i just cant do it..
i rather forget you.
n just suffer for a while..
you got ur life..
you got ur classmates..
if i'm angry..
i wont be angry bout u not giving me a chance..
i will be angry y i'm not born in the same year as you..
like wth..
people in the same class as u can be closer than me with you..
i mean..
wth..
is just so fucking unfair..

i thought when u come to sp..
things will get better..
but..
its actually getting worse..
now i fear..
fear that one day i might c you..
n..
you know
things just wont turn out good..

goodbye zhenyee
i will remember you for life..
today is the way i forget about you..

2011-04-20T21:55:00.003+08:00

people say if u nv try you nv know,
if you dont try you will never get the result..

i know all of this..
i tried..
i cant get it..
i admit..
so mayb it's time i give it up..
yeah..
i love you..
much..

but..
i dont think we will ever be tgt..
nth much really happen..
in fact..
you are going to sch with me tmr..
but there's just this feeling that say..
eh
marcy..
u n her..
impossible..

she will never ever love you..
i've thought about it..
i've been there for so long..
there's no way she cant feel how i feel towards her right..
she aint dumb..
she's smarter than me like 10 times..
all those rejection..
i understand..
u've ur life..
we r living in two different world..
we cant be tgt..
if we can..
we would
10 years ago..
i've given myself time..
up till next friday..
i believe..
everything would end..

2011-04-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

yeah..
today..
morning..
was kinda good yeah..
i mean..
it's just nice..

but i think
i just ruin it myself..
the moment i gave it to you..
it's kinda like game over?
or rather..
it was game over from the very start..

i think..
today will be the day we part again..
n..
i dont know what i'm going to do with the card..
n i dont know what u gonna do with the card..
it's kinda weird i know..
but..
if it really happen..
it will be damn cool..
i just like to think..
n think of all the amazing stuff..

i love you..
i will do anything
i just one to get ur attention for one sec..
it's good enough..
if everyday i'm able to do it..
wont it be awesome?

you got new friends..
n i assume more suitors..
competition is getting harder..
i'm going in into ns..
it is all getting worse..
i got such long way..
sometimes..
i wonder y i cant be in the same class as you..
am i being greedy?
up till know for 19 years..
i dont really have many things i wanted..
n i dont really mind..
just emo for weeks n im myself again..

but for you..
it has been mths..
i cant get over you..
i finally understand how she feels..
i'll say the same thing..
if you are coming back..
stay for good..
if not..
dont even talk..

i asked if i can have dinner with you..
you said yes with an exclamation n a smile..
you know how happy i'm
but i think
it's all a lie right?
a fucking life..
even that make up thing..

if you read this n you think i am not trusting you..
i really am not..
i need prove..

but even if you r like this..
you are still loved..
by me..
marcy orenji..
<3

2011-04-16T22:43:00.003+08:00

fuck..
i cant..
i gonna give up right now..
it's always the same
i just cant achieve it..
u threw my be the side again..
i dont know why
what on earth have i done..
i dont know..
it's the same
the bloody same thing happen again..
n what on fuck do u wan me to do?

you talk to me..
give me hope..
make me smile
make me laugh.
fuck
and when you got ur friends
you got others..
you got ur fucking life..
you just fuck my aside..
wth is this..
i did so many fucking things for you
now what?
i can live a more fucking comfortable life you know
i can fucking wish for other thing on my birthday
y the fuck must u ruin my life..
if you are like fucking fuck me aside last time, then just continue fucking me
y bring me in again just to fuck me again?
you enjoy it?

i know you suffer..
i wissh u all the best for best recovery..
to stay strong
to fight off all everything..
i know it aint easy..
it's that fucking hard
i am exp-ing it too..
fucking hard..

it all fucking take time..
i know..
i have time..
i can give u 10 years..
but just fucking talk to me
dont fucking go away..
i miss you..
i really need you..
i wan you to read this badly..
i really do..
but what?
be an idiot and post all of this online?
show the fucking whole world?
yeah
i'm afraid
i'm afraid of losing you..
i am damn scared
i can crack anytime..
call me a loser..
but fuck..
so what if i'm a loser..
act cool?
stay strong..
fuck no.
i show you my emotion..
i'm desperate..
i'm despo..
ppl call me despo..
you may think that wth those this sick guy wan?

FUCK!
i love you..
i fucking love you.
you aint perfect
so wtf am i even fucking loving you?!
i dont know!
y must i let myself suffer so much!?
I FUCKING DONT KNOW!
i wanna scream
scream so loud!
i got no one to talk to
you know how fucking lonely i am?
i cant swear in fb..
i cant talk to anybody..
i'm fucking lonely..
i serious am..
just please fucking talk to me
please.
i beg you..
i really beg you..
i dont need your love...
just fucking talk to me..
just dont leave me alone..
i fucking beg you..

2011-04-16T19:05:00.002+08:00

boo!
today feeling much better..
saw a tv program.
freaking touched by it..
is a match making show..
n..
somehow..
this girl waited for this guy for 4 whole years
i mean..
wth..
there's really such stupid ppl in this world?
budden
it's cause there's such stupid ppl..
that prove that true love actually is true..
i mean..
4 years..
all she wants is him..
aint it swt?
in the end..
happy ending..

that guy was..
if meeting u again in 4 years time n u still love me..
y would i let both of us wait much longer?

fuck yeah..
swt ttm..
i dont know if i can be that strong..
i'm coming back to sg
BUDDEN MY DAMN FREAKING LUGGAGE IS DAMN FREAKING OVERWEIGHT!
i can barely lift it up man -.-

o watever..
n..
since i'm back to singapore like tmr..
ans wll be known..
somehow or the other..
although i didnt wait for 4 years..
n i admit i'm unfaithful in between..
please..
give me one more chance..
i know i'm not the best to you..
i'm like nth..
seriously nth..
but..
can u at least be touched?
i'm trying my best..
i'm weak..
i need you..
fill me up..

wish me luck..
if you dont try..
you wont even have de chance..

2011-04-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

today.. it's my birthday..
happy birthday marcy..

but..
i dont feel happy.. at all..
i mean yeah..
i got touch at some part of my life..
serious touched..
but..
you know..
that all..
cant compare to ur one..
you hurt me badly this type rd..
yeah.. i didnt msg you back..
dude.. its exp..
if i'm the one paying i dont mind at all..
it's my mum.

i'm like hoping n praying and everything..
i think everyone know.. my wish is about you..
but i just felt like an retard..
wishing for something that nv come..

it's nearing 12..
it's gonna end..
i wonder which part of make up is true..
i choose to believe in you...
but...

i only know that this birthday..
for once.
i am confuse..
really confuse..
i'm touched..
i'm happy..
i'm i dont know what word can describe all this..

a new friend..
it's like 10 times better..
my birthday has end..

i'm gonna be a police man..
mayb i cant think..
but everything
just doesnt make sense..
like at all..

i'm really hurt..
i know it's like..
like you care..

i want to post it out on my wall..
sure the whole world..
budden.
i'm just different from you..
i will never do such thing..
there's no pt if nth better is gonna happen right?

i've nth to say..
i am broken..
i've no emotion left in me..
i'm speechless..
the wish i wish for has lost it effects..
it is doing exactly the opposite..

i just wan to thank koh jia zhi.. a lot a lot a lot..

2011-04-13T00:38:00.002+08:00

i believe in you kk..
dont make me sad..
i know u aint that mean..

i will leave the post empty for today..
send me a msg soon..
please..

i really really miss you..
i swear...
you will forget about him..
i will make sure i'll be the one hu make u forget..

2011-04-05T00:42:00.002+08:00

we can ask..
why dont you accept me??
y are you like this??
y cant you just forget that bloody asshole?

but have we ever though of what she may be thinking?
she maybe thinking why cant you stop loving me?
y must you keep talking to me?
can you like just fuck off??

it's the same..
we've got the ans..
we are just chasing for something we want..
n that's what living for yourself means..
we dont care what others are thinking
we just care bout our own happiness

and in this life
no want can stop what we are searching for..
what we want..
if we want to kill..
so be it..
you will just get sentence to death..
if you wan to be n idiot n keep on loving
that's your prob..
you will just feel more pain..

decisions are what made our lifes.
good or bad it's all determine by us..
therefore..
we must be ready for any consequences..

coming to china..
we talk..
but if we thinking about it..
is it even a good thing to start with?
i keep blaming every fucking shit when it's my fault to start with..

today
i will slp..
tmr..
it's for myself..
i am selfish..
cause i am a human..
but i will come to you..
cause i love you..
<3

2011-04-04T00:16:00.002+08:00

right now.
i only pray that you will forget him fast
and just look ard..
look for those hu r really trying hard..

i ask myself this question once..
if a i love a girl..
and aother girl love me..
n there's a chance for us to be tgt and very happy..
will i choose to wait for the girl i love
or will i just accept the girl u love me..
the answer came in without even thinking..
i will wait for the girl i love..

that's shld be what will happen even if i ask you right??
right now..
you are still loving him..
he is that big part of you hu replaced zk..
now..
removing this from u is..
i dont know
i dont know how long it will take..
but
that's the reason why i like you..
one faithful lil girl..

i mean
if it was others..
you can call them strong
budden they can forget them easily in like just a blink..
it's this faithfulness that i like about you..
so i wont blame you for it..

i am willing to wait..
for how long can i wait
i am a human..
i will go wild
i will go crazy..

but right now..
i know u mean everything to me
n is willing to wait..
see this zy..
is to you..
<3

2011-03-29T01:33:00.003+08:00

if you look at from one pt of view.
you will find that this is so freaking one sided.
how can a girl hu is so in love with this boy actually like you after they break for less than mth.
so who the fuck do you think yu are?
come on..
you were that fucker once..
you were no one to her once..
does talking to you really shows that she is interested in you?
wake up marcy..
this wont happen..
dont be so stupid and continue walking even though there's a hole 10 meters away from the direction ya walking.

but sometimes..
is just because of this girl..
that we risk our emotion..
we will just try even if it means getting heartbroken.
because she is the only wan we love..
she is that impt..
after everything..
i can only hope that she will be touch at the end of the day..

compared to the previous relationship you have..
i know i cant compare with them..
i know i am just 1/10 of them..
but..
aint i the one hu love you the most?
but hell yeah..
this is the world of painful truth..
we only choose what we wan..
we only choose what's best for us..
even if someone..
actually risk their life..
if he's ugly..
if he's dumb..
if he's mentally retard..
no one will ever ever love them the way they love their ex.

i always wanted things to go my way..
always thought of how wonderful if it all happen the way it's plan..
but na..
this is life..
n in life..
you n i...
we are impossible..
but please..
fucking prove me wrong..

2011-03-25T22:59:00.003+08:00

finally can come online.

im in china..
life isnt too bad after i got use to it.
just that the weather..
it's just fucked up.

my life is coming to you again..
like..
the feeling is just mao dun lor..
you know i still love you..
no matter what..
i will still be here waiting for you..

but..
i dont think you will..
seeing how you n him were tgt..
it's kinda hard huh..
mayb..
right now..
i'm still nth special..
i dont know what to do..
i dont know to chase or not..
what if i fail..
what if it's just one sided again..
i can forget about all ur past..
but will you give me a chance?

i will want it badly.
let me be the one who take care of you alright?

i am just..
thinking of you right now..
if you need time.. i will give you..
my life...
wiill just be you..

2011-03-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

we broke at secondary 3? lol i seriously forgot..
is either 2 or 3.
let's take 3..
sec 4, poly 1 poly 2 going poly 3..
that's 4 years..
n i am still in love with you..

sounds fake right...
love you still got gf..
a moment of truth that nobody will know..
i chose her was for 2 reason
n one of them is due to you.

nv in my life i thought of posting this..
but nobody is looking at it..
so yeah..

there are things that i regret.
so badly...
first..
i shldnt have even broke up with you..
even if you dont love me..
i will make you love me again
although i am a really damn small childish kid last time..
if i nv gave up..
hu knows we will still be tgt..

and after that...
the next thing i regret is not contacting you right away after the broke up..
i dont know if you are waiting for me..
but..
we made a promise before didnt we..
now that it is like this..
i dont know what to do..
you dont want to give me another chance..
i think it's gone forever..

i cause you to get scolded..
u cried in front of me..
i dont know what to do..
at that pt of time
i just wan to protect you from then on..
but i couldnt..

u got ur friends know..
i mean nth to you since i dont know when..
but if given a chance
i wont make myself regret anymore yeah...

cause i know..
that you are the only one for me..

2011-02-08T00:07:00.002+08:00

it have been so long..
baby,
but i still miss you..
but,
i dont know if it's out of love..
feeling very stress right now..
and i want to talk to you..
it kills me to see ur blog..
it kills me to think that that guy meant so much to you..
i'm going to china soon..
after i finish my exams..
kinda happy that u actually r coming to sp.
seriously, i hope to c u..
i know it will be weird..
but...
even if we met and didnt say hi.
i will still be happy..
i really want to c u.
mayb..
just mayb..
all this will end in a happy fairytale ending..

i miss you

2010-12-29T22:31:00.003+08:00

new year is coming..
i dont know how many days left..

this year...
there are good and bad aint it..
but this year..
i've change quite abit..
i think that i've become cooler or whatever just by making that change..
but actually
i'm just being some child like idiot.
so immature..
cant you be more ashame of yourself?

people seek happiness..
but the way i'm seeking..
it's just .. wrong?

new year coming
i've spend 18 years of my life.. thinking of what i want to be.
how i want to change myself..
but ultimately,
up till now..
i still dont really know what i want.
i really dont know how of a person i wan to be..
cause..
every time..
i've change myself..
i just fail.

mayb..
there's something inside me which i just cant sweep away..
just cant change..
the thing which will make me a failure for life..

but..
serious..
the reason why i am sad
i really got no reason why..
but..
it's start because of ytd.

seeing how..
people..
excel in life..
it really troubles me right.

right now
i dont even know if i am pampered or not..
cause..
i just cry over small things..
today..
i went to c ur profile.

baby..
there's nth on your mind related to me anymore right.
mr.d is all you have.

this is fuck up you know..
it's like
all i wan for new year is you..
but
all i wan for new year..
is to forget about you.

baby..
am i
in
love
with you?

marcy..
new year is coming..
think..
about
what
you
really want..
if
you
wanna
be
the
best
then
just
work
hard
for
it.

2010-12-20T23:00:00.002+08:00

think..
think hard..
what type of person ya gonna be..

its hols..
but man..
i am not feeling happy at all.
i am kinda lost?
i thought everything was plan out..
go trng..
go play with friends
go shopping..
haha..
yeah
i did all of them..
but why am i still feeling so down?

its the 2nd week..
n i am back to alone..
alone?
but i have a good time today playing bmt.
hanging out with friends..
so y?
cant i even take a bit of boredom?
am i a prince?
nah way..
if this is how life is then live it marcus..
in this life..
there's nothing good if you dont suffer..

ya still the same.
thinking that everything will just go according to plan..
how many time must you fall in order to realise that hey.
marcus..
stop thinking that it's right..
make back up plans..
or better still.
stop talking about the impossible..
and PLEASE!! from primary 6..
STOP DOING STUPID THINGS!

now you feel the pain..
so you stop..
but when the pain is gone??
i can bet that you will do it again..

you keep making subs..
they aint your dog ok..
if you want it..
get it through your own..
you are just hurting people ok.
marcus..
you said that you would change when she is gone..
yeah
she is gone..
you have change..
now hey..
you are hurting everyone including yourself..
and you say you will change again..
please..
change and stay..
you can do it..
cause..
since primary sch..
this is already what you want..

you are going to stop being *****
you are going to just sit down there..
and stop being a fucker..
i dont mind being myself..
just not a fucker..

they are gone and there's nothing you can do about it..
its the same..
just let go slowly..
time will heal..

and
if
all
i
gonna
do
is
wait
then
i
will
wait

cause
even
when
i
die
waiting
i
wont
feel
anything
by
then
.

2010-12-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

haha.. it's weird how life goes right?
i am quite happy that actually no one come to visit my blog le.. (:

yeah..
i am happy wif life..
i am happy with my friends..
but fuck yeah..
i am missing something..
something in this fucking weird life.

i know that it's like impossible to be with zy le.
it's like
frekaing impossible..
i know..
it's not like i cant let go..
it's like the same feeling as when i was with may

i just cant take it that she is actually leaving me because of another guy..
fuck up feeling you know..

and now come to think of it..
actually i have let you down..
no not you..
its not you anymore..
i hate you so just fuck out of my life..
yeah it's you..
i shldn't listen to her..
i shldn't make empty promises..
i shld have just go back to you..
it's weird now..
i dont how great my chance is now if i wanna get back to you.
0?
lol..
mayb..
you tell me before..
if i am to leave..
leave for good and dont ever come back..
it will just hurt you..
i wont leave you ever again k..
if you would just give me one more chance.. i will treasure it.
i will listen to no one.
i will just follow our heart..

and for you..
i am sry..
i know i am fuck up..
but..
i will not fuck you up.
i will take care of you k (:

marcy...

you are
a
fucker..

2010-11-22T23:24:00.003+08:00

sometimes,
it just a silent goodbye.

you walk into my life.
we became friend.
we became lovers.
then there come a period where we stop talking.
after that we go back to being friend.
and from there,
we see each other life transform,
leading our on life.
pursuing our own happiness.
but what we dont know is,
we still love each other from inside.
but in order to stop all this..
one must just put down everything.
and just say goodbye.
na..
not to you..
but to the computer with your picture on the screen.
there's no stopping it.
and this time.
it's really goodbye.

wish you all the best.
to whoever that D is.
my last heart to you k <3

2010-11-21T00:47:00.003+08:00

it's better to say everything here right
haha..
who is D? i really dont know..
your new crush?
or what?
i dont know
and i dont want to know!

what is this..
ARHH!! ):
friends..
is it all so simple?
is it all my imagination?

haha..
and ya quite smart huh..
i gonna thank you too.

if not..

500 can just fly off..

haha..
and today..
ya not the only want to make me sad.
haha..
it's not your fault..
i like talking to you
yeah

i dont wan to lose you as a friend

budden.

being friend is really impossible
you know..
i will just think of ways of chasing you.
and i am not wanting to be ur friend.
i want to be something more thna that
i want to take care of you.
i want to just hug you and i dont know
enjoy life with you.

without you.
i dont know
it just aint the same.
i thought i have forgotten about you.
ok yeah
i have.
budden you came back into my life.
dude.
this isn't the way you know..
if you wan to go
just go for good.
i will miss you.
budden
it's only a while.
time will heal..
i know i will..
please..
get out of my mind..
i really dont want to think again
i dont wan to be hurt again.
i dont wan to be rejected again..

please..
accept or go away..
i dont want to see u anymore..

and if that's what friends are for.. you dont deserve to be mine.
no i'm not talking about you anymore.
it's just my another problem.

2010-11-15T21:56:00.002+08:00

i miss you!
我想你！
i miss you!
我想你！
i miss you!
我想你！
i miss you!

):

complain to me!
i want to hear!
if you are here,
everything else in my world aint important anymore.

please come back to me ):

2010-11-06T21:29:00.002+08:00

i didnt imagine that i will have to blog every single day.
and everyday,
as my hand hits the keyboard,
tears fall from my eyes.

everything is just so wrong,
everything happen because of o's,
because of me working so much.
budden
mayb, the real ultimate problem is the prom right?

i saw you today,
you are the prettiest girl i ever seen in my life.
i must be the biggest idiot for not able to let you fall in love with me deeper.
lzk,
just two mths.
i really dont know how he did it.
somehow,
he is my idol
somehow he just fuck me up.
yeah
he make you fall deep in love with him,
but hey,
he broke your heart into pieces.
yeah
that's him.
how can you forgive him for that?

i know i am being evil,
budden
i really hope.
things wouldn't work out in prom.

):

i would give everything for you.
you feel the same way too,
you will give everything for him right.
your smile today melt me completely.

i dont know.
i'm very scared,
that we wont,
talk
ever again.

i'm very scared,
that,
today,
will be the last time,
i actually see your smile,
i actually hear your voice.

2010-11-05T16:21:00.002+08:00

i understand.

though i am sad.
though i dont wan all of this to happen.
thouht i wan you to be right there with me.
it's just not going to happen my way right?

lzk.
i just hate him.
hate him so much.
but you love him so much.
and that's a fact that cannot be change.

o's is coming to an end.
i am looking forward to the day.
i am looking forward to the day when we can really walk hand in hand.
to the plae where we want to go.
and just party all day.

ever since before your o's start,
i have this feeling that we cant work out.
i keep praying that it was all just my imagination.
till i read your blog,
i pray for a miracle.

but i dont think any miracle can save me now.
talk about the past few time we went out tgt.
i am really happy (;
really happy.
i thank you for that.
you really gave me a chance.
but now the chance have been given,
and that it have been lost,
and i cant give you the love that lzk have given you,
mayb it's time to admit defeat.

(; take care my friend,
and luck,
if you are really gonna wait for him.
i will miss you.
all the best in whatever you do.

written with love,
marcy.

2010-11-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

once i met this girl.
cute n prett.
almost perfect.

met by chance,
didnt know each other at all.
took some effort.
got close.
couldn't live without each other.
play and eat tgt.

exam come along.
didnt talk,
no emotion

went to your fb,
laughter and fun.

haha..
you scared to hell out of me today.
luckily it was just some song.
i thought everything would be fine.
dude you prove me wrong.

mayb ya right.
face reality.
i tried.
two weeks.
shld i?

i dont know what's right now.
how do i play the next move?
can you tell me?
who am i to you now?

2010-10-29T22:03:00.002+08:00

chapter 3:
a new rival appear.
my senior?
badminton player?
who on earth is he!?
who on earth is he to take you away from me?!
just appear out of nowhere.
is this how sebas feels?
andrew huh..

you have beginning to be so dead cold to me.
i cant feel you anymore.
i am crying every single time i talk to you.
do you care?
i really dont know.
can you tell me you care.
can i tell you i miss you so much?
can i tell you i love you so much?
can i tell you i just dont wanna let you go no matter how much my brain couldn't take it?

marcy can you be strong?
it's just two weeks!
just two more bloody weeks!
it's just as he say,
the answer will only come after o's
i cant do anything cept for waiting right?
and i shld not worry so much

cause in the end.
i just need to wait and be strong.

but..
aint you feeling for him now?
you are changing
it's not me thinking too much right.
it's really you changing.
stress?
tired?
then..
what's all that?
what's all that smile and laughter you cant give me?

i only want to say something,
if it's love,
dont give me up.
cause you aint see anything yet.

really feel better now.
take care my girl.
o's wan jian <3

2010-10-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

it's pain..
but from now up till 15, this shall be the last i will do ba..

to be there and motivate you..
all i am afraid of is i will irri you.
but o well..
it's just motivate right?
is just a simple jia you right?

after that..
who knows what will happen.

2010-10-20T21:17:00.002+08:00

haha..
FUCK YOU!

so it's obvious..
and i want to know when all this actually start..
ok..
it's fair..
i got my chance..
n now it's way far gone..
dumb isn't it??

that's all i ask for in the beginning right??
just one fucking chance..
and man o man i thoguht i can make it..

haha...
if he is just so fucking big to you i wont stop u.

but girl..
open ur eyes and look
it's not fucking worth it..

see??
it's not fucking worth it for him to do u so much pain..
i am not fucking jealous here..
i am just saying because i dont wan you to get hurt..
girl..

o well
whatever..
fuck it man..
i will never cry again ok!
all i want to say now is..

good luck for your o's. let's talk again after tat...

2010-10-17T21:00:00.002+08:00

so many things have happen..
lol

i mean..
do one part because they dont meet each other?
or isnt there love to begin with?
i dont even know how i am feeling now.

budden..
everything aint looking good..
and i know you can feel it..
didnt talk at all in j8 while eating that freaking mos
and its not that i dont want to listen
o baby i want to hear it so badly
i want to know whats on your mind
it's just that it's so damn long and i need to find a comfortable position right?

blah.
and not being petty
but wher is my present? ):
i thought you did something for me??

and..
what's with the avoiding all about?
and if i didn't meet you eariler,
are you going to just put me aeroplane again?

o baby how fucked up i will be..
didnt talk after that.
even i baby know that there is problem.

and this is o's period
so what?
if know is already like this
after one mth.
it's gonna die?

i'm just trying to smile and just let everything go
i am just fucked up with everything ok.
and i am just being my old self that i wan it to fuck off a long time ago.

isn't it suppose to be the "i shld love myself the most" mindset i need.
why am i fucking giving in to everything?
budden
if i dont..
aint it all gonna be destroyed??

i am just going to do this for 2 mth
till after os
still after prom
till after we did all the partying

if it's not gonna work out
that's the end of the story..

it's good to be in love..
but it's even better to just stay happy...

you have ur life..
it is fair to have mine too right?

2010-10-11T22:35:00.003+08:00

my heart ache badly you know
you know?!

i dont even know what' going in your mind!
why am i believing so much?
aint i hurt bad enough?

you treat her like princess
does she treat you anything compared to anyone out there?

i dont like this feeling at all
not tat i doubt u or what.
but.
i cant be with you.

i really cant.
you are my dream girl.
but..
it's just a dream right.
i mean.
dream girl doesn't mean i need to get right?
dream girl doesn't mean hu i really want to be with right?
dream girl means
a girl that everybody like.
a girl that like everybody

no one is quiet when they are good.
FUCK LIFE!
see
i dont like you anymore
i cant keep up with this..
i dont want to cry anymore.

if two person
werent happy tgt..
are they suppose to just leave each other?

what's love?
up till now..
i dont know..
up till know..
i just feel like a loser.

up to now..
i am never in the lead.

everybody have a limit
i put smile all over.
i bluff myself..
i tried to prevent all wars.
you wanted peace
so do i.
but.
i broke down dude.
i broke..
i cried.
i cried!

do you understand?!
i am still the all childish boi.
the un-understand mother fucker.
how long will i regain my limit meter?

how long will this war last?
how long will i start talking again

or rather
how important am i to you?

if two person were tgt..
they are suppose to be normal
not hiding anything.
you are suppose to give.
you are suppose to love.
ARH FUCK!
i know when i am down on my bed.
i wont be able to slp.
but i dont wan to cry in front of my parents!

YES!
I WAN PEOPLE TO CARE!
I WAN PEOPLE TO LOVE!
but dude..

i am used to being alone..
i dont need anybody.
i just need myself..

goodnightsz.

2010-10-09T14:31:00.002+08:00

i am dead for boasting.
i can feel this slipping away sooner or later.

cause everything is not confirm
why am i so confident?
cant i just be more humble?

recently we have some prob even if you dont feel it..
i am just thinking what if both of us think the same way?
nobody to start.
this will just turn out like shit man

but
i dont want to be the only one giving.
i tried before
and i failed.
it's not good at all

what shld i do now?
according to normal people.
they shld be more understand
and let you study
and try to motivate,
cheer you up,
start everything
till all this is over
and stop being such and childish bastard
that's is if you still love her.

can you do it?
you love her dont ya?
you failed me once, dont fail me again..
jia you.

2010-09-30T20:26:00.001+08:00

i'm tired of love.

2010-09-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

i dont know how to start this.
i know it isn't your fault.
it's just you.
people are like this.
but can you like let me know that you love me?

it's like there's no answer from any sort.
or are you telling me that action speaks louder than words?
i like it when we are tgt.
but what now that we are not?

i will be working for most of the time during the hols.
am i going to be sad for all these time.
and only happy when i see you?

it's like.
you are not letting me into your world.
ok i know.
we are two different people coming into this.
totally unknown to each other background.
and obviously,
freaking lil common topic.

and what you like and what i like.
are somehow opposite.
from a good side.
this will make us learn to love each other more
and from the bad side.
it will just make us fall..

i dont know if this is somehow like the case that i want to talk to you about.
but as what she says,
no matter how hard i tried,
he will forever be in your heart.

i know..
i choose not too.
but inside me.
it will keep ringing in my head.

marcus.
how strong are you?
how long can you survive this?

2010-09-20T19:43:00.002+08:00

what if one day,

you are very tired,

you miss someone,

you went to look for that person,

you put arms around her shoulder,

you got pushed away by her,

would you feel good?

i wont.

i dont type this out to show you how pissed i am.

i just dont feel good.

that's all..

do you?

when you wrap your hand around my arm

and i push you away?

both of us were tired, sad, moodless

but we both still meet each other.

i hope this is what we called love.

and i really hope not to hide from anyone.

2010-09-14T21:59:00.001+08:00

things aint looking good.
it's been to much.

everyday,
almost at least.

when will the day come
it will never i guess.

2010-08-27T18:00:00.002+08:00

i guess i will be blogging quite often nowadays
lol.

been very alone nowadays.
and when you are alone,
you will just start thinking.
that's the reason why we need friends right?
to tell them stuff.
ask them for help.
ask them for opinion.

now that it's gone.
i dont know who to ask help for.
i thought of this for a very long time.
just that i never post i think.
real true friend are those who when you have prob,
you will just go to them and tell them your probs.
and not those who you usually hang out with.
not those who you have fun with.
but those when the friends you have the most fun with are gone,
and when you are sad,
you approach them.

boo..
and sometimes,
or most of the times,
they are not even in our mind
cause what we think of,
is play all day.
at least that applies to me.
so i want to say thank you to you who are always there.
you know who you are. (:

and when i am lonely this few days.
two thing just keep coming to my mind.

why shld i be afraid?
n
i am afraid

lol..
weird isn't it.
mayb this is the result of wanting something
which you know you cant get.
fearing you cant get it,
but keep psyco-ing myself i can do it.

how much of evidence is true?
how much of words are true?
how much of love are true?

lol
just thought of this.
actually the world is quite fair.
people may think why they aren't with something they like.
they think the world is unfair.
budden,
if you think that you aint what people like too.
and can only be with someone equally good as you,
then it's fair isn't it?

then you will think then why cant i be better?
i think that mayb everybody is equal,
just that we dont know how to fully show our ability.
it's how much we want to show it out.

that's all for today ba..
n marcy,
you have been telling yourself to study.
-.-
so can you?
please?

2010-08-27T08:23:00.002+08:00

i finally know why i should be afraid of..
i see the big picture now..

what should i believe?

2010-08-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

ok how shld we start this...

how i am feeling now??

ok...

i am afraid that everything will affect your studies..

afraid that everything just dont go to how i wanted.

afraid that one day you will be gone..

feels that everything is too fast

too fast

too fast

omg..

why cant i just control myself.. baka..

and scared..

very scared..

while showering a few days ago..

i ask myself..

how can i..

win someone..

hu is 10 times closer than you..

actually..

there's only one word to describe me now..

fear..??

2010-08-24T21:50:00.001+08:00

I AM GOING CRAZY!
i cant even use blogging to clear my sorrow anymore!!

2010-08-24T20:14:00.002+08:00

in my mind,
it was how to cheer you up.

in your mind,
is all about zk.

i know you are happy with me (hopefully)
but i can never be the one to replace zk.

for everything he has done,
boy,
he is damn lucky to have you loving him so deeply.
i am so scared that i wont be able to win your heart.

keep thinking,
what will happen after o's
will zk ask for a patch?
will you wait for zk?
or will you just come with me and let me take care of you.

i can only think of 4 possible outcome.
you will wait for zk,
zk will ask for a patch and you will be with him.
you and i will be together, but your heart is with zk.
you and i will be together, because we really love each other.

and there's 3 possibility,
i give up on you,
you give up on me,
or we try and be together

if i can choose all 3,
i will choose the last choice for all 3.

2010-08-23T20:38:00.002+08:00

long post this is gonna be.
from morning all the way to night.

met up with zy in the morning,
cause she pon sch la.
when to mac and makan.

i wanted to go home, budden luckily didn't,
bro was home all the while.
budden it was also the wrong decision to go to school.

took 74 all the way from interchange to dover,
zy slept two time in the bus.
lol.
we were the earliest this morning although we were late by like 1 hr.
daryl came first. blah let's just skip this.

after everyone has reached,
i plug in my headset n just starting doing CA quiz.
i dont know what they are talking about.
i dont know and dont want know.
something telling me it's just not anything good.
did my quiz for 45 mins.
i got 80.
of course i am sad la.
budden when i help them do,
i fucking happy they didn't get any better than me.
it's only fair right?

so i just want to ask you all.
CA PBL, CA quiz what have you all done?
CA quiz i settle for you all.
PBL, ask irfan, doing from the start,
calculate value,
multi sim,
all i do.
and what you all do?
sit there
talk cock,
talk until so cock that you freaking went over the line la.

starting i still cant confirm wth you all talking about.
i diam.
you all tell me when zy is in the toilet.
ok
friend friend
i close one ear.

go fc4.
go buy food.
meet you all
talk somemore.
nvm
i not happy.
you all know.
i just smile.
i walk back.
say again
ok la.
if i do that to v,
how happy will you be?
very happy?
then you dont even deserve her man.
you are just some mother fucker i regret knowing.

come back.
sit down.
still talk.
boy,
how old.
you got brain or not.
it's know you say sorry or forever dont talk.
simple la.
if i am gonna lose somebody like you,
then lose lor.
i got no regrets.

after that, went out with zy to plaza sing (:
i think we straight away go arcade right?
lol.
arcade arcade!
stay there for damn quite long la.
i dont know how long.
lol
played bishibashi first.
play until skin tear -.-
lol.
then after tat saw cookie monster! (:
although i dont really like la.
budden zy like ma (:
tried catching it.
budden obviously failed la
lol.
i never catch until before in my life la.
then i see the "jackpot machine"
i dont know what it is called la.
OMG IS AT C OK!
of course la.
lol.
manage to get it la.
got cookie monster go ZY :D
happy. (:
then after tat the reminding tokens went to play bishi bashi again! (:
ZY YOU ARE IMPROVING! :D

after that i went to play my fav game,
lol. i never become rusty sia (:
then got 6 more token.
but zy is hungry,
dont know what to eat.
actually zy wan to bring me go eat dont know what
budden we saw AJISEN! (:
went to eat and found my fav dessert gone!!
):

we stayed in there and talk.
zy cried.
feel like hugging her again
lol
after that we talk train back to bishan and then bus 55 back home.

but can i be any unluckier?
saw sebas mother on the way home. -.-
sent zy home le then i went home
o ya.. she was quite mad when the cookie monster is around la. -.-

final thoughts of the day.
1.
i tell myself,
i want to be stronger,
i want to be smarter,
i want to give you a good life,
i want to study so hard so that you dont have to suffer anymore.
i want you to smile for the rest of your life.
i know it's impossible.
but i will try.

2.
i scared i makie to wrong decision again.
it's either friends or the girl i love.
will i make the wrong mistake again?
i dont want to be left with nothing again.
i took a long time to get some friends,
i dont want to lose them too.

3.
i dont like all this hiding and running,
there isn't any fault in us being together right?
what's wrong?
maybe i am just thinking too much.
but i respect you.

4.
i just which i can change all the zy in my blog to darling.
<3

2010-08-20T20:06:00.002+08:00

let's start from the very start ba.
met you in zp hse.
slowly, beginning to have interest in you.
of cause i try all ways just to get close to you la.
and the very first chance is passing you the geog book la.
if i never pass you geog book i dont think we will even be close friends by now.

at that time i am very glad that i thought i have made the right chocie.
time pass, it is getting harder and harder to meet you.
the next time we met that has some story to tell is the limelight ticket.
i came coming looking for you, holding on to the cookie monster and the other stuff.
i waited and waited, thinking of what i will have to say when i give it to you.
unfortunately, i couldn't even say anything when i actually met you.
you was with sebas.
i took the ticks, and just walk away.

after limelight, meeting you again was like impossible.
at that time i have already given up hope already.
but who knows.
we actually met again.
and i think it is really all thanks to daniel.
all thanks to me being drunk.
all thanks to me going clubbing on that day.
if not for that.
i dont even think we can even go out together.

we started going out,
and became closer and closer day by day.
initally i am very happy.
it was like a dream come true.
something that i thought could never happen.
a girl the was only in my mind and all i could was just dream about it.

we came so close that we starting doing what couples do.
of cause at that time, i feel very happy.
it shows that i have that chance.

but until recently, i think it's just 2 days back,
i don't know why.
but i just feel that pain in the heart.
that very same pain which i have when i and maybelline broke up.
it sents me to tears.
for some times, i really dont feel like seeing you.
i feel like running away.

yes, you are my dream girl.
the girl that i was waiting for.
and i am close to getting you.
i am not sure of my chances.
but,
deep inside,
i know i am asking too much.
i asking for something that i know i couldn't have.
or maybe, i should not have.
i was gonna give up on you soon.

until yesterday,
when we webcam,
i started feeling very happy again.
everything just became happy.
of course, that's because i can see my dream girl,
and she is willing to webcam with me.

i thought to myself,
everything will be alright right?
so long as she really love me,
nothing matters.

until today,
7pm.
i not sure if i can really do it.
is not i dont like you or anything.
is not i dont think i can give you a good life.
is not that you did something wrong.
it's just something that it's inside me.
it's something that couldn't be avoid,
it's something that when we, boys, are chasing someone so perfect happens.

i want you to see this,
but i dont want to lose you.
it's just something that is in my mind so i decide to blog it down.
i will try to have you accept me and for me to accept you.
i wont play with this relationship,
and since we are just friends,
let's be fair to everyone out there.
push me away whenever i try to come near you.
i dont want to hurt you
as well as myself.
if we are really meant to be,
we will be.

but up till know,
i still dont think,
the feeling you have for me know,
is love.

2010-08-10T16:11:00.002+08:00

i know i am not the perfect guy you a searching for..

no one is searching for a guy like me..

i dunno what i can do..

i dunno what i am capable of doing.

all i know is that i love you.
.
but how can a i love you even capture your heart?

no way man

there's only one way i know..

romantic n sincere

no matter what i do

i wont let you suffer..

study hard my girl.

we will talk in 3-4 mths times..

2010-07-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

KAN!!!
I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE NOW!!

CA, PBL, GEMS, DIP PLUS

what have u all done

u ask urself..

all fucking older than me

all fucking slacker

all wan to be a fucking leader

all fucking slacker..

fuck it la..

n fucking hell

u think u very big

u wan say what i dont care la

i know i am not like that

you fucking say in front of everybody
my fucking image oso spoil right
you just a fucker la
fucking worse than me still wan to fucking cock

serve you for getting shoot back man
swear

noe ur limits man

it is getting too far

it's disgusting man..

u have lose n aspect

you noe nth..

n if u call this bro..
u are so fuck up...

seriously..

regret having u as my brother

n i mean "Brother"

i dunno y sia..

whole day only noe how to shoot
kan

u think u can climb my head is it..

if not for brotherhood i already conflict already please..

this grp so cool

but i am telling u

i am hating everyone single one of u..

all damn fuck up..

i hope this grp can just go down to 3 ppl

n the rest of the uselss bitch just fuck off man..

wasting the fucking space n just fucking talk big..

prove it la..

whole day saying you are the right one

u are the best

you can do every fuck shit

n how every fuck shit is so easy..

you can even do a shit man..

u are nth man

all big talk

but fucking no result...

just go home n suck ur mother pussy la..

y when you dunnno anything u wan to act as if u noe anything??

as it tat shameful not to know something

or is it just the thrill to fucking shoot ppl

when you noe you are nth better??

i duno..

mayb u are sick in the mind

i wont say i am better than you..

all i noe is a look down on you..

cause of ur fucking char.

u suck big time mann

i hope he can just scold you more time n wake u up from ur fucking dream land man..

n i fucking miss you

you are fucking no where to be seen

where are you :(

2010-07-08T21:35:00.002+08:00

right now.. my world is all about world cup currently.. been betting since wourld cup round of 16 i think..

n i have been making profit ^^

that's somthing to be proud of huh..

other than tat..

i am beginning to study even thought it's only like the 2nd week of sch.. -.-

my god..

cause result aint very good..

got to pull them up.. tmr is the last practical pract before the actual test start

got to do well if not my CA can forget bout getting good grades le

n then..

u appear back in my life..

i appear to have let u go..

but it seems like i have not forget you..

<3

when will the chance be given to me to prove that i am able to take care of you?

than i think that it has been a long time since i have parkour..

really wish to parkour right now again

i am beginning to fade away from my friends again

once thought to be so close tgt n share everhthing tgt..

but right now..

i dont know why..

is it my fault?

it shld be ba.

i am still the same old me..

hu is always so practial huh..

still cant kick that habit out of me

budden what really i like most in my life is that i am 18..

i am able to do so many things...

club..

smoke..

gamble..

isn't it cool??

all you need is the flash your IC n u can do anything..

i dun mind living this kind of life you know...

but i really do mind not having you with me.

i would stop all this..

i just need you.. <3

2010-06-13T00:37:00.003+08:00

ok la.. then wat you wan now..

i very du lan you noe or not..

not like we not friends

not like we are strangers

fucking hell so close le still wan to keep secrets

like i will fucking laugh or tell people..

u still dunno me well meh..

fuck

share prob oso cannot..

u teach me de leh...

make me feel all so fucking stupid..

come back fb c ur fucking post make me more du lan..

dun wan share then just fuck it being a friend la.

it's all or nth..

i am prepared man..

i will stop texting u from now on...

u wan u come..

i am not gonna be an idiot..

if this how it's suppose to end then just end it here..

we aint happy tgt..

dun give me small chance.

dun give me all the shit..

u have ur friends

u dun nid me in ur life..

i make no diff..

if i am just a friend to u..

then just fuck it..

i dun nid a friend like you.

2010-05-27T07:27:00.002+08:00

got damn it.. i give up big time ok..

i did eveything for you..

n i am not even mention...

god holy shit

just kill me la..

when do you even put me in the picture??

am i such a failure as in you cant even c me??

dude.. you are one real mean ass..

i believe we would never talk again...

you ask for a chance..

then who is the one that give me a chance??

if you got to earn it..

aint i qualified to get one??

i noe i did fail in the end..

budden isn't it weird..

dont you think at that instances i feel like hugging you??

roar..

faithful girl..

i like tat..

budden i hate it at this very moment.. :(

2010-05-20T21:46:00.002+08:00

):

kan..

haven't even start n my heart is shattered i dunno how many times already..

:(

you or not like tat de right..

i dun lie right..

you dun find excuses right??

or are you just trying to gain friendship??

must you go to this extend??

i believe you are not..

but y is everything so nice for you..

do you not wat's happening on the other side of the world??

its painful my friend..

the feeling is here..

i can swear that im serious about u..

but you make me not certain if i shld actually trust you??

y are you even lonely??

you got a nice family..

so many friends..

some of them even trying to chase you..

beautiful girlfriends..

you only got an ugly memories bout ur ex..

you can forget him easily n move on..

there's so many suitors..

y are u scared??

y cant you move on??

so y do you are you lonely??

do you noe what lonely means??

it means that when i am talking to u

u dun even give a proper reply n can tell other ppl that you are bored..

tat's not only lonely..

tat's fucking heartbreaking..

i dunno how long more i can trust you.

i dunno how long more i can be there for you..

mayb you just dun nid me..

mayb you already have found your grp..

your life..

even your family..

it's just right there..

it's only just the matter of time..

i dun wan to waste so much time n end up nth.

i have exp once.

i dun wan it again..

it's painful.. :(

2010-05-11T22:52:00.002+08:00

i nid you badly..

i am damn scared i dun have time la.

i nid to study

exam coming in like 2/3 more weeks?

your exam ending..

my exam coming

band is coming..

hols is coming

i cant find so much time to do all my things!!

the only thing that can keep me going is the strength tat u are going to give me.

how i wish tat u noe tat i am refering about u..

good luck for your exam..

i realli wan your exam to end quickly..

i realli wan to hear your voice..

i still got so many boxes i think nid like 6 or 7 more n i haven't come out wif a design!!

i still nid to make 20 over flowers!!

i still nid to think!!

i still nid to study!!

this is gonna kill me..

all i hope is acceptance :D

hehe..

i noe i am thinking too much..

i noe that i am gonna fall if u reject..

but at least i noe..

jia you..

2010-04-26T22:23:00.001+08:00

WHY AREN'T YOU READING!!

DO YOU NOE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! :(

i realli hope that u can be mine..

i realli hope there isn't any threat..

any competitors..

i dun wan to lose

i am afraid of losing..

i am scared

i am very scared

wat if nth happen

wat if all doesn't pay off..

wat if one day after all this that have happen

we distant ourself..

wat if one day..

i may nv c u again..

i am afraid that all this would come do reality one day..

i dunno if i will be able to cope or not..

:(

realli hope you noe how much i feel for you..

2010-04-25T03:57:00.002+08:00

this feeling came back again..

it seems greater than before.

i like it this way..

there are two more out there..

i dunno if i will be the victor.

but i will try my best..

i may lose to them in every aspect..

but i will touch you with all that i do..

and make you noe tat i care..

and tat i love..

more than anyone else..

even if he have already done so for a long time.

i love your smile your voice your face your everything..

it's like perfect. <3

2010-04-18T01:33:00.002+08:00

i've found her..

i dunno what's gonna happen now..

just pray for myself..

hope i will have her..

hope all her blog stuff is bout me..

hope i will be given the chance to show that i can take care of her..

hope that she would give me a chance..

n hope that she would notice me..

she hasn't been online for a long long time..

wonder where she go..

jia you..

i am so not gonna give up on her..

SHOSH!!!

2010-04-12T23:26:00.003+08:00

lol!!

DUDE!!! it's a few more mins the my BIRTHDAY!! WOOT!!

tat's one thing to be happy about!!

the one thing to be sad about.. is tat mayb no one even care!

lol!!

ask if i am sad..

DUH!!

budden

expected la.

lol!

dunno wat will happen tmr..

feel like going out..

i wan to EAT!!

eat n talk n play

tat's all i wan to do..

i wan to hear ur voice..

i wan to c u..

i wan to noe that i am there

though i am not gonna have the one i one for company..

next year.. I WIll BE BACK!!

lol..

marcy is sad.. ~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCY!! ~~

2010-04-11T02:07:00.002+08:00

lol..

today is not rather a good day..

if i can choose.. i dun wan to noe..

i rather be kept in the dark..

some might sae i am just running away..

come coward..

bud hu cares if it can make me remain happy..

give me a chance..

give me some light..

o well..

i didn't noe the this dark deep secret would actually leak..

i thought we would like just respect each other n just make thing past..

no matter wat i cannot redeem myself rite..

if given a chance..

i would nv have any fucking relation with u..

i dun wan to noe u..

cause it's always painful..

there's no such relation n will nv have any more relation wif u..

i swear.. for if not i am not marcus..

i swear on another thing..

i would nv.. ever do the same mistakes ever again..

i swear this upon my name..

there's no sister..

there's no brother..

u r u n i am i..

for fuck even if u are lying on the fucking street begging for fucking grain of rice..

i would not give a fuck dammn bout u..

hate to sae goodbye..

but u noe i always care.

if only...

you would c a change..

cause i dun think wat i did is wrong..

i did it cause i am me..

2010-04-08T23:43:00.002+08:00

wonder how it would be this year..

lol..

no one to celebrate le..

cant hope much..

just hope it wont be at home..

wan to clubb..

hu would go wif me??

wan to play.

hu would play wif me??

wan to park hu would park with me..

ROAR!!!

would it be lonely this year?? :(

will i sing to myself this year.. :(

2010-04-08T18:13:00.001+08:00

hello!

lol..

eh...

seriously i got nth to blog..

haha! hmm..

life's great so far..

picking up new skills!

WOOT!!~~

gonna become a pro in it man.. haha

then..

nth much..

bmt.. new skills.. com..

start sch..

new skills

bmt..

lol

tat's my life man!

still wan more :D haha.. jana!

2010-03-17T23:54:00.002+08:00

long time since i post le.. lol..

everything i going quite well now..

beginning to gym already..

beginning to eat a bit more only when i am outside..

my life is filled once again..

haha..

tat's a good thing rite.. :D

found my friends..

love them very much..

haiz..

the prob-ed is no longer a prob..

haha..

i forgot about it 10 years ago..

budden a new prob arise.

lol..

amazing isn't it..

sometimes i really dun believe it man..

i dun even think for once that it's true la..

how can it be..

this is my seventh..

i dunno if i shld go ahead..

i wan to try..

cause.. i find her nice..

but..

she looks scary sometimes you noe..

if i can be.. i will make it last..

i swear..

i dun even noe the ans..

wat uselss guy i am..

i cant even make it rite in bmt.

i cant even make myself fat..

i thought about wat i wan most in life..

budden i still dunno :(

is it girl? money? bmt? studies? friends? or body??

haha.. i dun think body really matters..

bmt i can trn hard.. it doesn't realli matters either..

of all..

which shld i choose??

i realli dunno..

i only noe i wan to be a better guy..

tat's all i noe..

i wan everybody ard me to be happy.. i hope i can make tat come true..

i would be a happy man then.. :D

2010-02-16T22:17:00.002+08:00

lol.

i think my blog is getting more n more useless.. haha..

no life in my life la..

so realli nth to blog..

haha

today damn sian

so i just come n blog blog talk talk lor.

haha

ok la..

exam is coming ok..

come on

last a few more mins can already

tmr..

CHIONG FOR MATHES!!!

CANNOT LOSE TO ANYONE!! tat's my aCE!!!

haizz..

i dunno how to do all the mcq.. -.- wth..

can do long cannot do short..

nvm..

tmr ask my friend to teach me..

haha!!

then then..

then..

nothing to blog lei

today no emo thing lei

so good rite..

getting rid of all the emo-ness already

just one more thing left in my head

PHEW

luckily it's not her..

budden still it is something about her..

wonder if it happen..

even if she is ur nobody and it's not ur business..

u noe sometimes..

that's a bit fuck up..

o well..

if she love it??

still..

can't believe it.. :(

haizz..

nvm!!

i am quite a happy man already lei..

clap clap

:D

haiz..

i very scared final year exam lei

dun scared fail..

scared no good results

wan to study budden body dun wan

sad rite

haha..

:D
THINK POSITIVE!!
COME ON!!!

2010-02-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

WTH!!

ok ..

i cut my hair today

n..

EVERYTHING WENT WRONG LA!!

:(

begin to get very sick of life..

begin to get very sick of being a good guy..

i wan to be the bad guy can??

i dun wan to chase around like an idiot..

i just want to be myself!!!!!!

ROARR!!!!!!

stop having to c ppl face..

if they dun wan then f it..

fuck it go..

have a man wif a backbone

dun be a sucker..

ROARR!! :(

i am tired..

i wan to slp

2010-02-07T00:36:00.002+08:00

in the end..

you are in love again..

haha..

i may not like it..

budden it's beyond my control..

i have put you aside for a long time already..

at least it didn't hurt as much as before..

just wish you all the best..

you make me believe in retribtion..

haha..

i am just gonna concentrate on bmt and studies and games?

lol

i muz be mad..

watever it is..

i will succeed in life..

i will not be defeated by anybody..

i will not lose..

i will not feel that i have lost..

i will win in everything..

tat's y i am born..

2010-01-25T08:23:00.002+08:00

it was like a year ago where we started our journey.

to c two good friends broke up just like this..

to sae two person hu noe each other so damn well,

ended up actually notknowing each other tat well.

ended up in two diff worlds..

thinking back of the past.. it makes me sick..

2010-01-22T15:00:00.001+08:00

wth happen :(

i dunno wat i am thinking already :(

i just dun like how life runs,

it's so..

unfair.. :(

2010-01-12T22:56:00.002+08:00

It's a LONG LONG tIME since i blog!!

haha

budden i just realise everytime i blog, bad thing happens

yeah

it's true

haha

i got insulted today!!!

ROAR!!!

wat's wrong wif getting high marks in class?!

wat's wrong wif not studying n getting top in class!

ok..

I NV EVEN NEVER STUDY LA!!

I GOT STUDY OK!!

just tat i study on the impt part n nv study the rest N I LISTEN IN CLASS!!!!!

-.-

N YOU BLOODY WAN TO COMPLAIN!!!

ROAR!!!

watever..

it realli pissed me off la..

this is the 2nd time YOU piss me off ok..

by anybody can..

but u!!

no way la..

watever..

apart from this bad thing..

yeah..

monday bmt is getting more n more fun!!

lol

i love monday bmt.

realli learn a lot from there..

it's more fun than friday bmt lor

i swear i am gonna go there everyday even though the timing very bad la.

haha

n then..

hmm

I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY so forget bout YOU YOU BLOODY BIRD!

lol..

just stay far far far far far far far far far far far far far far away from me.. n nv come come come NEAR ME AGAIN!!!!!

i shall be glad.. :D

MUGGING TIME!!!

few more weeks to EXAM OK!!

JIA YOU!!

2010-01-06T22:59:00.002+08:00

hehe..

i got all my results le..

hmm..

DE was expected an A

Mathes was expected a B+ EVEN THOUGH ALL THE WHILE I AM AIMING FOR A BLOODY A!! -.-

PEEE was unexpected!!

lol

i expect a fail la!!

i got 56!! lol

i noe lousy la

budden i think quite ok lei

my class top is like 61? lol

o well

i nid to work hard on my PEEE already

mathes n DE muz score

i muz study hard le!!

PCB is damn hard la :(

regret not going for the last lesson ok..

now i dunno anything single shit.. :(

haiz..

hope i can become smarter n smarter!

anw.

this few days quite bz lei

lol

went movie-ing quite a few times n play bmt on monday

lol

now i always playing bmt already..

i am so gonna beat desmond la.

dun care!!

muz trn hard!! lol

then every tues going to b dance

lol

:D

i love my life now..

just left one thing.. :(

it has been like this close to one year le :(

JIA YOU! :D

2010-01-03T14:00:00.002+08:00

i knew it..

i am gonna pay to learn something..

learn something..

learn something.

isn't that wat we are all doing..

to pay n to learn..

spent like 23.50 ytd to learn something

lol

ROAR!!!

i know i am stupid

somehow childish

lol..

i think i am damn idiot la.

u ought to hate me..

haha

buddenn

now tat it has become like this..

is it easier for us??

yeah yeah..

somehow i am jealous.

i have always been..

budden..

it's hard u noe..

ok ok ..

so now..

no more thinking of nonsense n just look forward..

it's impossible..

just tat ..

i dun wan to let it go like this.

weird rite??

i got two options..

both is wrong..

to either person..

am i making myself happy n letting the other suffer??

tat's wrong rite??

yeah..

tat's wrong..

so..

new year..

new sch life..

new life..

everything doesn't matter

if they can do it..

so can i rite???

marcy..

u got to focus..

:D

i love u ok..

:D:D:D:D

haiz..

this love has lost it story..

lol!!!

this is from a lyrics.. omg

so nice!!! :D

2009-12-30T22:08:00.002+08:00

ok..

i think is got a lot of things to blog bout..

budden i just fly to the main wan ba.

which is amkss bmt camp lor.

lol

go there for the overnight games only..

so..

met up wif jimmy n des before going.

lol

irwin sae he kana scolded by ashwin la!!

lol

damn funni

ok tat's ltr part i the talk cock session

lol..

anw..

ya

i cant come in the morning because i am doing project.

n kenshee lost his voice

i tell u his voice is damn nice!!

he cant speak more than 3 words!!

lol

he will die!!

the voice will just suddenly disappear la.

ok la.

watever so i played overnight la.

finally like i met desmond n jia soon after sooooooooooooo long la.

lol

:D

lol i think desmond haven't change..

haiz..

so the same as tyzus

budden again

desmond is more shuai la.

ok..

anw.

HE HAS IMPROVE A LOT I SWEAR MAN!

he is damn fast la!!

damn strong oso

like omg..

-.-

budden i partner him still lose to ben n irwin la.

shit man

haiz.

i nid trng

i swear i will trn!

stupid tk always sae i am flat chested.

wah irritating u noe.

ok.

watever..

then i forget wat much i play already la.

just play a lot a lot a lot of matches la.

then after tat is talk cock session

lol

talk a lot of crap la.

make me all scared!!

dun dare go home la

budden after tat talk funny things la.

so quite ok la.

then after tat no chance sia

straight away go do cip

idiot sia

of cause i got go home n bathe first la

until now.

haiz.

sian

got one accident at tamp where i go n eat la.

budden i lazy to sae here la

i wan to go n slp already

just have to sae the person have nth better to do n wan to find some trouble.. -.-

haiz

ok

here comes the main part.

i am so tired i dun wan to TALK ok.

-.-

n so i begin to msg la.

i tell u..

lol

nth happen la.

all the ans i wan to noe have just come to me la.

tat's wat i am really happy about la

just tat the ans is not wat i wan la

budden..

it's still better to just keep thinking about the ans n dunno wat to do la.

so i dun feel so hurt la.

N!

i have finally say wat i wan to say.

so after tmr.

o mayb the new year.

i will all be the past already

it will not come back to live.

it will remain down down down forever.

yup

n tat's all!!

nth more is gonna happen

no miracle will happen anymore

this aint anime

this is real life

i will die!!

so..

yeah..

hope next year will be a better year

tmr muz think of all things i wan to do for the year 2010

i swear i will try my best to do it man!! :D

ok la..

tat's all la

n i am gonna slp for 14 hrs..

lol

hope not so long la.

budden my face like disfigured already

lol

look like dunno wat la..

haiz..

ok la ..
NTIEZ:D

2009-12-23T23:41:00.002+08:00

today was quite sucky la.

even though i got back my 20 dollars :D

ok..

so..

today wake up early go bedok..

do cip..

omg

i tell u the cip is damn tiring

omg

we like clean window for the whole day la.. -.-

n then got a lot of shit la.

my friend sae is the dunno wat dunno wat la.!!

omg..

then disgusting

then i am always the wan on the ladder

then muz up down up down..-.-

tiring lei

budden quite fun la.

then play the stupid iron mash?? i dunno how to spell that thing

wah liao

scrab until my hand pain sia.

lol

haiz.

in the end was ok la.

the ppl there like treat us eat resturant la..-.-

are they like mad!?!

when we go inside i was like.. wat the hell

lol

then the girl heard then sae dun nid worry la..

not u paying

lol

-.-

ok

in the end job well done.

budden haven't 10 hrs

so we nid go back again lor.. :D

i thought can like c the kids la.

in the end is nana

lol

then go makan botak jons??

lol

first time eat la.

i dun think it's like very nice la.

n it's like very ex la..

compare to other western stalls la.

cause, it's ex la!!

-.-

omg.

mayb it's just branded -.-

ok

then we go tamp n play arcade

lol

spent quite a lot la.

haha

play wat's tat??

i dunno la.

the car game

lol

fun.

budden my car a bit sot sot wan.

lol

cannot go 4th n 6th gear

go le then the speed meter will anyhow run..

from 5th to 6th the speed will decrease.. -.- imba rite

lol

ok la.

then after tat

BISHI BASHI!! NEW VERSION!

omg

i complete the whole thing la.

with the help of my new friend.. MARIO!

lol

he damn pro la.

damn cute oso.

lol

:D

hope can meet him again.

haha..

i cant believe his name is like mario la.

-.-

omg wat type of parents will give that name. -.-

ok

tat's not the pt of this blog

the pt is.

when i reach home to talk bout the modeling thing again

my father is like so angry la.. -.-

wth!

haiz.

now i no mood la.

just dunno shld i go for the modeling thing or not

i like to try la.

budden my father like anything budden in the heart like strongly object like tat.

haiz

mayb he just wan me to have fun.

budden like if it was him he will like nv try it la.. -.-

ok la.

i will like mayb find some one to talk to n then THINK!!!!

lol.. shall not be sad la.

there's another reason to my emo-ness i think..

budden

I MUZ OVERCOME!! ROAR!! :D

2009-12-20T22:19:00.002+08:00

i think my defination of life has change..

i dunno..

all i wan noe is fun.

is to try new things.

try lots n lots of new things.

even if it's not good.

even if it makes ppl hate me..

is it because of the person i hate so much tat causes all this??

:(

all am i still high right now??

there's thig model agency ask me go be.

i dunno if i am up to it..

budden i wan to try.

hu is there to talk to me now? :(

love nobodys...

2009-12-20T15:11:00.002+08:00

ok ..

ytd..

full day out.

i realise i spent a lot of money oso :b

ok watever.

starting is coaching la.

lol! :D

ok ok.

buden go home..

use a bit of computer.

then go cut hair.

then bathe n wear shirt.

wah liao! I VERY LAME LEI! -.-

ok then go style hair.

then go bugis.

find daryl.

lol.

funni sia.

he come so early.

then we go walk around la.

waiting for the 2 late ass.

lol..

come le.

then buy present.

lol expensive

:b

ok then go makan lor.

then go rebel le.

omg.

i tell u today i do a lot of sins la..

guilty.. :(

budden muz try ma.

so..

thing almost try everything le.

omg it is damn disgusting.. :B

ok la..

then i admit i quite high inside la.

:B

dance dance.

lol

fun la.

budden is tired la.

tat's all.

then after tat go makan lor.

then home home i go

lol.

slp in the bus

-.-

omg la.

haha..

ok la.

tat's all..

guilty.. :(

budden i think i will do it again! :B

bb.

2009-12-19T00:40:00.002+08:00

i cant slp today.
ok let's start from the starting

cause today is like a long day..

lol

today wake up.. like cannot wake up like tat.

go do everything..

n go take bus to vivo

omg

they are like sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo late.. -.-

o well

hu cares..

then go walk walk..

arcade..

o ya..

we go see dogs

lol

damn cute..

haiz..

how i wish i have like a dog to play wif la.

at least got people pei me wont so boring at home de.

o well.

hu ask my mother so scared of dog..

if not i really buy already

so cute!

ok ok ..

then go eat carl's junior..

lol

damn fulllllllllll

omg..

cant describe.

then..

movie.

twilight.

lol

i think it's ok la..

budden most of the time is boring ok..

omg

full love story no action

no fighting.

a bit only

n is damn a bit la.

budden the wolve so cool la.

omg.

:D

love it.

ok

o ya..

before tat i buy my clothes for tmr :D

lol

cool huh.

haha..

ok la..

then..

CHIONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG TO SCHOOL!

lol

omg la..
damn late.

budden like nobody reach yet la.

a bit only.. -.-

o well..

yeah baby.

got back my strokes today.

starting was like sick la.

thanks to the stupid shit thing of mine.

haiz.

i think i am just thinking too much la.

cause in the end.. whack only.

ok whatever.

the main think is i got back my strokes.

n the last match before benson match is like so stress la.

omg.

is a non lifting game ok.

omg..

all pressure until like siao.

come on la.

i nv play bmt how long already.. -.-

budden thanks to ashwin ok ok la.

budden ashwin last part sian diao.

budden o well.

expected it will happen :b

then play wif ben very fun.

lol..

i think he give chance..

budden very fun.

i think he just wan to make me relac only.

:D

<3 him.

haha.

ok

go back

tat's the main point for today

talk to ashwin.

bout personal stuff la.

so today..

i cant slp.

haiz.

a bit sad huh.

i dunno if i am feeling like a bit guilty or not.

budden.

i think i am not wrong.

even wif i am.

i am force to??

is it right to sae tat?

budden i admit it's my fault tat this whole thing happen la.

roar..

hate this.

budden..

i no longer believe.

i dunno when will be the next time i will start believing it la.

so..

tada.

marcy is??

mix feeling??

2009-12-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

today go c doc..

:(

in the end..

still not cured!!!

roar..

hate this man..

i was hoping for some medicine la.

anyway..

think grow older going for surgery already :D

damn irritating.

cant stand it anymore..

lol damn sad today la.

budden it's ok la

damn bored today

at home whole day again

lol

tmr going out whole day..

WOOHOO!

:D

damn shoick..

vivo then bmt.

hope get back my stroke real quick..

:D

marcy is happy today :D

2009-12-14T20:47:00.002+08:00

i've got the answer today.

after all this hardship,

i think i will come to a stop.

as in,

is not like i wan to,

budden if i continue doing this.

i will just hurt myself..

since u have already gave me the ans.

i dun wan to play anymore.

but i hope if tat's your decision,

dun ever bother having any contact wif me

it is better this way rite?

2009-12-11T17:10:00.002+08:00

EXAM'S OVER!!

lol

i aiming for the results very funni wan

2 A 1 F!

lol funny rite..

got highest n lowest wann

anw..

i nid to work hard for the bloody F module.

hehe..

i nid to go uni!!

cannot slack already!!

so bored.

thought got a lot of games to play.. in the end ya la.. got a lot of games to play la..

cannot be completed de..

budden boring lei..

-.- keep on playing

haiz

everytime got holidays i cannot slp properly wan lei.. damn sian.

how i wish sch start!!

faster start!!

i dun wan to stay at home. it's boring!!
:(

cant do anything now..

haiz..

yeah!!

gonna c doctor soon!

dunno when c oso

hope it recover! :D

2009-12-08T21:01:00.002+08:00

hmm.. got a lot of things to blog la..

been studying a lot this few days..

play a lot oso :b

tat's not the point the point is i think i can get quite good for me DE test.

tmr PEEE lei

n i have no confidence at all

lol..

haizz..

wat to do..

mathes i am gonna score!! haha

:b

anw..

tat's still not the point..

the point is..

i got played!

i got punked!

-.-

o well..

wth..

she said she had her reasons

wat reason could it be.

i dun get this at all la.

haiz

i dun wan to write it here la..

anw.

i am very sad..

i dunno is sad or angry la..

kana played..
kana bluff

u will happy meh!

ROAR!! shall not care

got wat take wat already

hate this man..

u freaking force me wan

bleh!

2009-12-01T17:00:00.001+08:00

SICK!! :(

wah damn sick la.

today wake up.. damn cold..

lol

kao.

damn sian de la.

so near exam period somemore..

haiz..

hope i can do well for my exam for.

i trying to get 90 for maths lei

is it possible?

budden i am like slacking la.

haiz

always like tat wan

think i so pro

in the end i am not

lol

last time dip plus

act act dun wan study.

think noe everything already

the test paper come out i shock. -.-

haiz..

budden after exam! it's play time!

wah kao

now my eyes damn pain :(

sian:(

good luck ba marcy.

i have faith in you :D

2009-11-24T21:10:00.002+08:00

i really hate u u noe..

wat's ur prob.

if u dun wan to talk then dun talk!

dun suddenly come out from nowhere..

talk talk talk n just leave!

u noe how much impact it will have on me?!

u noe how much u will make me love u?!

u noe how much u will make me think of u every sec?!

u noe how much it makes me wan to talk to u?!

so if u dun wan to talk to me.. just dun talk to me ever again!

if u dunno how painful it is.

IT IS DAMN PAINFUL!

2009-11-18T15:56:00.002+08:00

ROAR!!!

HATE TODAY TO THE CORE! :(

wat's friendship?

i really dunno..

i hate myself..

emo-ed today..

caused i am shoot of by my friend

i really feel like punching them u noe.

budden..

that will definately turn our friendship sour..

when u nid me u talk to me as if i am ur darling

when u dun nid me u just freaking throw me aside.

wow..

nice friendship we have there..

still like the leader of my grp.

so cool

so calm..

others are all..

watever ok..

ROAR!!

i can't concentrate in studies!!

:((

too many games already..

n is not only because of games.

i noe i can study de..

budden..

o is over..

i still can get it over.. :(

i dunno wat to do now..

wat is my piority??

:((

2009-11-16T20:39:00.002+08:00

saw my bro ytd.. IN POLICE UNIFORM!! :(

lol

so cool la!!!!

omg.. omg!!

lol

today lesson was boring lei..

i realise auto cad teacher sux...

more sux than paul..

then the PEEE pract teacher is suckier than the bloody cad teacher.. -.-

HATE MY TEACHERS!!

lol

beginning to like paul lee already

lol :D

no reason

dun like oso muz like la..

lol if not my DE gone already

budden today i oso nv listen cause.. tutorial ma..

listen wat..

shit arh

haha.. i will only lesson on lectures.. :D

hehe..

then today end school like 1 half hr eariler la.. -.-

waste time.

lol..

ok la..

cutting down on my games already

lol

actually no la..

just tat i only play during weekends..

lol

exam coming le

muz jia you..

muz meet my target! :D

lol..

one year gonna past le..

wat will remain for this year?

wat will happen next year??

i wonder..

2009-11-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

thinking of you..

when can we get back together?? :(

moodless..~

2009-11-11T18:35:00.002+08:00

marcy is sad sad sad today today today..

:(

eww..

i dunno y i sad oso lei..

thinking of u??

y didn't u talk to me??

have u forgotten hu i am?

everything seems like a dream.

suddenly..

it's gone.

so fast..

it seem like i dun even noe u from the start??

memories are fading away..

everything seems so blur..

how are u doing??

are u doing well??

are u happy wif ur current life??

wat are ur plans ahead??

so many question..

but i cant get an answer..

boohoo..

marcy is sad..

marcy is still so free..

marcy nid to be bz..

cant let marcy think anyhow..

2009-11-10T08:14:00.002+08:00

it's a new week!

u will seldom c me blog on this day..

lol

budden..

got things to blog la.

lol

to think that i have found a new friend.

lol

actually it's not..

bleh..

watever..

i am so disappointed la.

i am freaking not angry ok.

is sad ok..

damn sad!

well..

watever..

anw..

O lvl end already rite if i not wrong

lol

now see secondary sch ppl walk here walk there

lol

shoick u noe..

haha.

the thing is..

i cant be like those people.. :(

lol..

exam coming le lie

very scared

started on DE already.

lol

actually is quite easy lor.

just tat the book very thick

i dun even bother to read it la

-.-

lol..

yeah..

that one bloody chapt is 100 page long u noe!!

-.-

wah kao

i c oso cna die arh.

lol..

o well

watever..

hate reading.

lol..

wed..

wat will happen..

future..

wat will happen

lol

nobody noes

so y bother??

2009-11-06T20:38:00.002+08:00

i got a new show to watch! :D

POLICE AGAIN!

LOL!

yeah

same wan!

this one season TWO!!

lol

last time i watch wan is season 3!

lol

funni arh..
watch backwards wan

lol

nv watch first epiosde lei :(

lol

pak kiu so sad la :(

budden he is so cool!

IDOL!! :D

lol.

anw..

i beginngin to cannot cope wif sch work already

lol

a lot of things lei :(

haiz.

still got the freaking dip plus.

budden ok la..

at least i make some new friends

lol

nicholas is a joker + joker man..
lol..

hmmm..

thenn..

nth la..

i think now my mind a bit unstable lor..

lol

muz get it back to the right track..

lol..

musn't think..

even though i wanted to so badly :(

lol

jia you..

2009-11-01T16:34:00.002+08:00

omg!

damn pissed!

WIF RAFA!!

wth is he thinking man

lol sorry arh.. a bit angry

IF U WANNA C LIV GETTING THRASH!

look at ytd match against ful!

omg!

i watch n get thrash!

muz like this or not :(

lol

haiz

so sad sia..

wanna cry.

3-1 is the score line.

no torres no ben no kyut no gerrade

lol

how is playing??

babel, voroni, no agger no johnson. -.-!

WTH LA!!!

ROAR!!~

just sack rafa man.. -.-

anw.. today gonna celebrate my mother birthday

lol.. :D bought handbag for her..

lol bros share share la.

lol

i dunno wat my bro buy.. is nice la..

$$ fly away again

lol

haiz.

been buying present lately n all like BOMB! lol..

ok la.

bb
:D